DW has gone a long way despite using the same story
by whatamidoing765
Summary: DW characters remembering the hell they had to go through throughout the years and how new characters were introduced. DW1 to DW4
1. Stop complaining about old graphics

You know the drill, I don't own Koei or DW.

Dynasty Warriors is at its 8th installment, right? Why not have characters who have been in Dynasty Warriors since Day 1,2,3,4 and 5 look back to their old pixelated selves?

**Characters that were here since DW1:**

**You all know Mr. Poster Boy, Zhao Yun, then Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, and Zhuge Liang.**

Zhang Fei was drinking heavily(when ISN'T he?) at a tavern. Guan Yu walks in and sees him with a depressed face.

Guan Yu: Brother, what is troubling you so?

Zhang Fei:*sad sluring* Look at Zhao Yun! He has been in these games since Day 1 and he is on the covers of everything!We were in these games with him and were just cast aside! Even Zhuge Liang gets better treatment! You too!

Guan Yu: I'm sure you have some good qualities like those two.

Zhang Fei: Like what?

Guan Yu: Well...uhhh...Y-y-you can drink a whole jug of wine in 3 seconds or less...

Zhang Fei: That just supports the fact that I'm an alcoholic!

Guan Yu: Well...you kinda are...

Zhang Fei: And you are an arrogant-murdering-asswipe!

Guan Yu looked at him with a surprised look on his face.

Zhang Fei: *sigh* Ok, I'm sorry I called you an asswipe.

Guan Yu: It's alright, I am, well, I better get going.

Guan Yu got up and left the tavern.

Zhang Fei:*mutters*

**Somewhere in Shu**

Zhuge Liang and Zhao Yun: ACHOO!

Liu Bei: Are you two alright? Are you sick?

Zhuge Liang: I'm fine, it is probably Zhou Yu or Sima Yi talking about me**.**

***scene change***

**Wei**

Sima Yi: ACHOO! *looks around confused*

**Wu**

Zhou Yu: ACHOO! No, I CANNOT get sick right now!

**Back at Shu**

Zhuge Liang: Zhao Yun, remember when you, Zhang Fei, Guan Yu,and I were the only Shu characters and I didn't have to deal with Liu Bei and Jiang Wei's "beneviolence"?

Zhao Yun: You taught them that...

Zhuge Liang: I never taught them they had to mention it EVERY TIME THEY SPOKE.

Zhao Yun: You do that too...

Zhuge Liang: Go pose for the next DW game, Poster boy!

Zhao Yun: Fine! I will! You're just jelly! *leaves with hair flip*

Zhuge Liang: *mutters* stupid poster boy*mutters* stupid Jiang Wei..

*scene change*

Jiang Wei: ACHOO! *happy voice* Prime Minister is talking about me! I'm honored! *tears roll down his face*

**On to Wei's characters! Cao Cao, Dian Wei,Xu Chu, and Xiahou Dun**

Cao Cao: Ahh..I would give to relive the time when it was just me, Dian Wei, Dun, and Xu Chu.

Xiahou Dun: Why is that?

Cao Cao: So I would not have to deal with that meddlesome Liu Bei, the Suns, Dong Zhou,Yuan Shao,and the fact Sima Yi conquered my kingdom.

Xiahou Dun: Wouldn't you be called "Cow Cow" if you did went back?

Cao Cao: Oh yeah...I had to suffer through that until DW6.*pause* DW6...*dazing out*

Xiahou Dun: What about DW6?

Cao Cao: I had gotten a nicer haircut and some nicer clothes, but I had to die by WIRES. (ranting)Stupid Sima Yi HAD to get a new weapon that made him a lot more girly, girly clothes,girly hair, and his voice, HIS VOICE. He got a freakin' makeover!That "man" had the NERVE to rebel against me! After that scene, I could not STAND seeing purple for weeks!(Though his hat made a nice place to store my Pringles.)

Xiahou Dun: You are getting a little off-topic...

Cao Cao: And you got frizzy hair with a masscara wand for a weapon,Dian Wei got a face tattoo, and Xu Chu was being Xu Chu!

Xiahou Dun:Please stop.

Cao Cao: Oh, and Zhang He... OH ZHANG HE...he...made us look like fools! He supported Sima Yi's rebellion! And Xu Huang too! And-and-an- Xiahou Dun?

Xiahou Dun had already left the room.

*scene change*

Dian Wei and Xu Chu: ACHOO!

Zhang He: Are you si-ACHOO!

Xu Huang:Mast-ACHOO!

*scene change*

Sima Yi: ACHOO!ACHOO! I should stop going outside at night...

**Wu: Zhou Yu,Lu Xun, Taishi Ci,and Sun Shang Xiang**

Zhou Yu**: ***flipstable* Stupid Koei! I'm a women thanks to them! I used to actually looked like a guy back then!I carried a sword! A SWORD! But DW6 happened...*shivers*

Lu Xun: Please calm down, Master Zhou Yu!

Zhou Yu: WHY SHOULD I! THROUGHOUT THE YEARS, KOEI MADE ME BECOME THIS! *pointing at himself*

Lu Xun: Well...you look certainly better than DW7.

Zhou Yu: I suppose...

Lu Xun: Look at me, I'm fangirl bait! I'm supposed to be middle-aged!(sarcasm) But noooo..Koei needed to attend to fangirl needs...

Zhou Yu: Really? I thought you enjoyed that...

Lu Xun: You certainly don't know what I have to live through!

Taishi Ci: At least you get attention, unlike me! I was in the series before everyone else showed up! But as the more Wu characters began to appear, I was cast away, because of you pretty boys! Even Zhou Tai overshadows me! And he is a rock!

SSX: I used to be tough, but they made me stick to Liu Bei! I don't even like him!I left my home to be with that selfish jerk! I had to wear that costume that made me sound stupid and made me look LIKE FRICKIN' TINKER BELL!

Lu Xun:*nervous* How about we try to remember the nice things?

All three: THERE ARE NO NICE THINGS! THANKS TO KOEI, WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

Lu Xun: You are right...I had to wear that GOD-AWFUL outfit in DW6 that made me look like I was from the Namman.

Zhou Yu: I was called a woman so many times when I wore that DW6 stripper outfit...

Taishi Ci: My costume now is so girly...I mean...feathers,really?

All four looked at each other and sighed.

**Other: Diao Chan, Lu Bu**

Diao Chan: I wish to go back to the old days...

Lu Bu: Why is that, Diao Chan?

Diao Chan: *lifting her dress* I wore an actual dress back then...now, it is just strips of cloth sewn together...

Lu Bu: I still think you are beautiful no matter what you wear.

Diao Chan: Now, we both know that is not true.

Lu Bu: Fine.. I'll admit you really need to cover up...

Diao Chan: Exactly. This is NOT really warm, I'm freezing even during the summer.

Lu Bu:Now that I think about it, you stared to lose clothing after DW5.

Diao Chan: *in a corner with a depressed aura* I bet Koei will make me lose more clothing...


	2. Making fun of Sima Yi is fun

**I forgot to mention in the first chapter the looking backs apply to characters that were around SINCE DW1 to DW4. **

**Characters since DW2**

**Wei: Zhang Liao and Xiahou Yuan **

Zhang Liao: Master Xiahou Yuan, remember when we first debuted?

Xiahou Yuan: Yeah, Cao Cao and Dun were hugging me like crazy,I almost lost my breath.

Zhang Liao: Master Xiahou Dun did that? I know Cao Cao would do that, but...him?

Xiahou Yuan: When the party Cao Cao hosted for the us new characters ended, he hugged me as we were going home.

Zhang Liao just stood there with widened-eyes at the thought of the Xiahou Dun hugging someone.

Xiahou Yuan: Yeah, just..get that through in your head...heh.

Zhang Liao: Ok..got that through... So anything else you remember?

Xiahou Yuan: You going from Zhang Fei beard to Frenchie moustache,*laughs*

Zhang Liao: Ha..ha..and you showing off your belly in DW6.

Both laugh at the memories they exchanged until a question pops up.

Xiahou Yuan: Say, didn't someone else join DW2 with us?

Zhang Liao: Yes, it was Master Sima Yi.

Xiahou Yuan: I remember during the party, he was sitting in a corner until Cao Cao made him join by making him swallow 5 whole jars of wine.

Zhang Liao: Dear god, what happen then?

Xiahou Yuan: He started to puke uncontrollably and started to swing his sword at Cao Cao in a blind rage. He stopped suddenly and died there.

Zhang Liao: How is he still alive now? And-*whispers* does he remember?

Xiahou Yuan: Thanks to Koei's medical technology, he was back the next day, and oh yes he remembered. Anyone at that party knows what , Sima Yi looked like he was ready to kill the person who was going to mention what he did.

Zhang Liao: Why I have never saw that? Did anyone mention it to this day?

Xiahou Yuan: You passed out when you drinking with Dian Wei. And even if anyone were to mention that night, Sima Yi would have lopped off their heads faster than you can say,"damn." Now he doesn't carry a sword, but that whippy-thing. But I'm sure he'll come up behind you and snap your neck.

Zhang Liao: How are you staying calm about this?! He was already scary to begin with! Now I'm going to look behind me every time I see him!

Xiahou Yuan: *teasing* Scared, aren't ya? Besides, you don't talk to him anyway, so you're fine. And for me, killing me will get Cousin Dun angry and he'll have his head off faster than he can say,"imbecile."

Zhang Liao:I hope you're right...

Sima Yi: *appears suddenly*Did I hear my name coming from here?

Xiahou Yuan and Zhang Liao both jumped at the sound of his voice and said,"No! We were talking about-uh(damn it, what is one of his brothers' names again?)uh-Lang! Yeah,Lang!

Sima Yi: Oh,really? Care to tell me what have you been saying about him?

Zhang Liao: That he passed government exams when he was only 12!(yes,this is true)

Xiahou Yuan: He died when he refused medicine so his own men can take it!(also true)

Sima Yi: Well then, I shall leave you to your discussion.

He was about to leave until..

Sima Yi:*turning his head all the way to face the two, putting a rapey/scary face on, glowing purple,red eyes, and echos while talking) YOU MENTION THAT NIGHT AND OR ELSE WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING,I'LL MAKE SURE YOU DON'T WAKE UP!

Yuan and Liao: GAAHHHHH! YES, MASTER YI!

Sima Yi: *turns normal and talks nicely* Good, I'll be seeing you at today's meeting.

The two just sat there, frozen in fear as they saw Sima Yi leave the room.

**Jin/Wei: (you know who he is)**

Sima Yi: I didn't know those two actually remembered what happened, but still I shut those two up.*massages neck*

Sima Yi walks to a nearby bush outside and kicks it hard.

Sima Yi: GET UP, YOU LAZY BAFOON!

Sima Zhao gets out of the bush, rubbing his butt.

Sima Zhao: OW, that was not needed! Just yell like you normally do and not kick me.

Sima Yi: Yelling would be a waste of breath, kicking you will certainly get the message across. Now lets go, you have some work to do.

Sima Zhao: Uhh..what a bother...

Sima Yi: Watch what you say,boy.

Sima Zhao: You're one to talk...you said that too.

Sima Yi: Since when? I don't remember being a brat.

Sima Zhao: Heh.. Brother, show him the clip.

Sima Shi walks out of nowhere,holding a remote, and pressing a button, which reveals a screen on a nearby wall.

Sima Yi:...Since when did we have this?

Sima Shi: Thanks to Yuanji being popular, we get better treatment, thus providing us with top-notch technology only available to us and Koei. The other kingdoms will get the tecnology...a lot later.I get a meatbun making robot, Zhao gets a bed with built-in massagers, Deng Ai gets something called Google Maps,Guo Huai gets iron lungs and a gun, and-

Sima Yi: Alright! I get it! Now what do you want to show me?

Shi presses a button.

*the cutscene from DW6 where you see Sima Yi riding some horses with some other guys plays, you know the first scene when you first start his story mode*

DW6 Yi:Ahh, this is a terrible bother.

*fast forward*

Peon: Master Sima! Watch what you say! Show some respect!

*fast forward*

DW6 Yi: Ahh, what a terrible bother this has turned out to be.

*end of clip*

Sima Yi:...

Sima Zhao: HA! You thought things were a bother back then! And you got told by that peon! I'm not looking so bad now,huh, Father?

Sima Yi: Grrr..*rubs his temple* Anyway...what do Chunhua and I get from Koei?

Sima Shi: You get a hat that shoots lasers,and...well..for Mother...you're looking at it...

Sima Zhao:Hey! Don't ignore me!

Sima Yi: What are you talking about?*sees Chunhua walking down the hall*

Sima Shi:...Do you remember the edit character for Mother from DW7 Empires?(the short woman that looked like a brown-haired Yuanji) Well...Koei...fixed her up...during the development for DW8...and what you are seeing is what the result was...

Sima Yi paused to think about DW7 Empires and looked at Chunhua. The realization made his eyes widen.

Sima Yi: So...that is...?

Sima Zhao: HEY!

Sima Shi: Yes, it is weird, but I'm sure you are enjoying that. I honestly want my wife to look like that.

Sima Yi: This is your mother we're talking about,right?

Sima Shi: If she wasn't my mother, I would marry her.

Sima Yi stared at Shi with a disgusted expression and mouthed the word "what?"

Sima Zhao snatches the remote out of Shi's hand and presses a button.

The screen displayed a clip of DW3 Sima Yi saying "A dike? Oh no!."

Sima Zhao: Hahahaha! *falls down laughing and plays back over and over*

Sima Shi: I have that on autotune and dubstep. Just press that button.

Sima Zhao: Really? *presses*

*autotuned clip plays*

Sima YI:*turning red* GIVE ME THAT!

Both men were pulling on the remote, pressing buttons as they fought. The screen went through multiple clips. Here is the list of the clips that were displayed.

-clips that featured Sima Yi's funny voice back in DW5

-that clip where he got shot with an arrow and he got cut and bled in DW2 or 3(I forgot)

-Sima Yi killing Cao Cao in Dw6

-a clip where Cao Cao and Cao Pi threw DW5 him out the window while he was sleeping

-a clip where it shows DW6 Sima Yi drawing a curly moustache on Cao Pi,Zhang He and Zhen Ji when they were sleeping

-a scene where Xiao Qiao taunts Sima Yi by saying "Its okay, start acting like a man!" (In DW3,I think, but yes,if you use XQ in that certain stage, she will say this.)

-Yi dropping boulders on Xiao Qiao with him saying:"Arrogant little girl,acting like she knoows everything."

-Yi getting chased by angry Zhou Yu and Da Qiao

-DW6 Yi sitting next to Cao Cao and Cao Pi during a meeting, the two taking hat-sized Pringles from the top of his hat

-a (censored) scene of drunk Yi puking at a party

-Yi drunk-dials Zhuge Liang,calls his wife a whore,hangs up

-Yi (drunk)sexually harassing the edit character for Zhang Chunhua

- DW4 Yi swearing(swears were bleeped) at Zhuge Liang

- Yi getting a pie in the face by Cao Pi

-Yi getting a pie in the face by Cao Cao

- dubstep version of "A dike? Oh no!"(I wish someone actually did this)

Sima Yi:(he got the remote) HOW MANY CLIPS YOU GOT OF ME, SHI?!

Sima Shi: Koei provided most of them, the dubstep one was mine.

Sima Zhao: You were certainly...interesting...I didn't know you sounded like Pang Tong, and I want the Pringles hat.

Sima Yi: *sigh* Oh wait...DON'T show these to your mother.

Sima Zhao and Shi: Now why not? We would love to see her reactions.*both smirking*

Sima Yi: NO. It will be difficult to explain most of them to her. Except the ones when I was drunk. (To be honest,I don't know HOW in what way she can react.)

Sima Yi leaves the room as Zhao plays more clips and Shi decides to show the clips to his mother anyway.

(Little note: I was having too much fun with this so the other kingdoms for DW2 is in the next chapter.)


	3. Damnit Other!

**DW2 characters continued.**

**Shu: Liu Bei,Huang Zhong, Ma Chao,Jiang Wei**

*flashback to DW2*

The four new guys walk into a room. Zhuge Liang, Guan Yu,Zhang Fei, and Zhao Yun all greeted them.

Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, and Zhao Yun: BROTHER!MY LORD! *big group hug*

Jiang Wei: *holds out arms to Zhuge Liang as he was waiting for a hug*PRIME MINISTER! Huh?

Zhuge Liang walked right past him and hugged Liu Bei instead.

Jiang Wei:*crying* Prime Minister...

Huang Zhong and Ma Chao: *emo corner* They just simply ignored us...*groan* I wish Wei Yan was here... I wish Ma Dai were here...

*end flashback*

Zhuge Liang:*angry, but trying to hold it in*

Liu Bei and Jiang Wei: BENEVIOLENCEblahblahblahBENEVIOLENCEblahblahBENEVIOLENCEMOREBENEVIOLENCE

Guan Yu,Zhao Yun, and Zhang Fei:MYLORDBROTHERBROTHERBROTHERMYLORDMYLORDBROTHERMYLORDBROTHER

Ma Chao:JUUUUUUSSSSSTTTIIICCCEJJJUUUUUUSSSTTIIICCCE

Zhuge Liang:(I rather listen to Sima Yi say"imbeclile" over and over. At least he takes a breather. These guys just keep on going.)

*Scene change*

Sima Yi:*sleeping*...achoo...*opens eyes* Wait, what?

**Wu:Sun Jian,Sun Quan,Lu Meng,Gan Ning**

When news of the new Suns spread, Cao Cao was having a fit.

Cao Cao: First Liu Bei,now the Suns! Who else is coming?!

Xiahou Dun: They haven't annouced it yet...

Cao Cao bashes his head into the wall in anger.

Sima Yi: At least Sun Ce not here.(yet)

Cao Cao: You're right...But that doesn't do much. Sun Quan is the one that rules Wu anyway.*continues banging head*

Xiahou Dun and Sima Yi: *sigh*

**Back at Wu**

SSX:Father!Brother!*group hug*

Sun Jian: How is my little girl doing?

Sun Quan: I hope you are well,my sister.

SSX: What is with that ugly beard? You look older than Father!

Sun Quan: Oh this? These guys(Koei executives) went up to me and said I must wear this.

Sun Jian: My boy,this is you becoming a man...

Sun Quan: I'm only 16!

Sun Jian: So you are an early bloomer...

SSX: EWWWW! Stop talking!

**Somewhere else in Wu**

Zhou Yu:Brace yourself, Lu Xun.

Lu Xun: Why?

Zhou Yu:Two words:GAN NING. Oh, and Lu Meng's coming.

Lu Xun: THANK THE HEAVENS! Lu Meng will provide some balance to that psycho!

Lu Meng walks in holding an unconscious Gan Ning.

Lu Meng:Lu Xun, Master Zhou Yu. *bows*

Zhou Yu: Is he okay?(I don't want him to wake up!)

Lu Meng: I gave this boy some wine mixed with some special herbs. He will be awake after...maybe 8 hours or so?

Lu xun and Zhou Yu:(THANK THE HEAVENS!)

Lu Meng tossed the body on the floor and sat at the table Lu Xun and Zhou Yu were sitting at.

Lu Xun: (Honestly, what is he wearing? He looks like he walked out of Sun Quan's closet.)

Zhou Yu: (What is up with his hair? Ponytails don't suit him.)

Zhou Yu: Master Lu Meng, what is Gan Ning wearing? He looks like a 70's reject.

Lu Meng: He was wearing nothing, so I told him to put on some clothes. He grabbed the nearest things he could wear.

Lu xun and Zhou Yu:(Certainly better than him running nude.)

The three enjoyed talking to each other for the rest of the day.

Taishi Ci:*emo corner* Ignored again...*sniffle*

**Other: Dong Zhou, Yuan Shao,Zhang Jiao**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!,"echoed across Luoyang.

Cao Cao is banging his head harder as Zhang Liao, Dian Wei,Xiahou Yuan,Xiahou Dun,and Xu Chu all tried to restrain him.

Cao Cao:This day DID get worse! Liu Bei,Suns,and now THEM!

Sima Yi: I don't understand what you fussing about. They are just fools that just made their coffins when they did what they did.

Cao Cao: I don't expect you understand! You were in diapers when all this stuff happened!

Sima Yi: Oh please, you had no trouble dealing with those three.

Cao Cao: The rebellion was a piece of cake, but I almost died multiple times during the Dong Zhou nonsense! And I barely won Guan Du!

Sima Yi: And here you are, complaining.

Cao Cao: I would LOVE to see you how would you do during those times!

Sima Yi: I was ten!(about) I barely escaped after Luoyang was burned down by that fat bastard!

The two continued to argue as the generals just stood and got some snacks and were enjoying the heated debate.

**Somewhere**

Dong Zhou started his reign of terror,Zhang Jiao starts to preach the Way of Peace, and Yuan Shao was being Yuan Shao.

Cao Cao:FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Sun Jian: *sigh*

Liu Bei:Umm...how do you do a Musou? *swings sword weakly*


	4. Flutes are painful and ZY is not a pedo

**Characters since DW3 and 4**

**Shu: Wei Yan,Yue Ying, Pang Tong**

Zhuge Liang goes to greet Yue Ying and Pang Tong,leaving Wei Yan.

Wei Yan :*sad face*

Huang Zhong: Hey, you're , lets go get drinks.

Wei Yan: Thank...You...Huang...Zhong...

**Tavern**

Wei Yan:*drinks whole jug* *normal voice*Ahhh... I needed that! Thanks again for taking me out for drinks,Huang Zhong!

Huang Zhong: Wait,what? I thought...

Wei Yan: I do that voice to mess with people. Honestly, do you ever hear someone sound like that?

Huang Zhong:*laughs* You really had me there! This sounds fun to play along to.

Wei Yan: It sure is! Oh,wait! Zhao Yun is coming!

Zhao Yun walks into the tavern and sits at the table with the two.

Zhao Yun: Are you the new general that is joining us?

Wei Yan: Yes...I...Wei..Yan..I...happy...to...see...you...

Zhao Yun:Uhh..*slow speaking* I...Zhao..Yun..I..Ally...

Huang Zhong: You fool! He can understand you just fine! He has a speech problem,that's all!

Zhao Yun:*embarrassed*Oh..ok...So,Wei Yan,how are you doing today? Any problems?

Wei Yan: I...fine...no...problem...

Zhao Yun: Ok,well,I better get going. I have to go train new recruits.

Zhao Yun leaves and Wei Yan goes back to his normal voice.

Wei Yan: Did you hear that guy? He tried to mimic my speech pattern!*laughs*

Huang Zhong: You are right!*laughs* This is fun!

Both high-five each other. The two have been playing this joke to mess with new characters.

**Elsewhere..**

Zhuge Liang: Master Pang Tong, is it necessary for you to where cloth on your face?(He looks like the top of a wine jug.)

Pang Tong: What,do you want to see my face?

Zhuge Liang: The men will not trust you if you hide your face.

Pang Tong:*removes cloth*

Zhuge Liang:(BY THE HEAVENS,HE'S UGLY!) Yeah...keep that..on your face...like...all the time...*turns green*

Pang Tong: *puts cloth back on*Exactly why I keep this on.*leaves*

Zhuge Liang:*turns around and pukes*(Uhhh..That man makes Cao Cao and Sima Yi look like male models and Zhou Yu a male Venus!)

Yue Ying:My Lord, are you alright? Do you have stomach flu?

Zhuge Liang:*turns to look at Yue Ying and blushes* No,my dear,I'm fine.(My heavens,she is gorgeous!)

Yue Ying: Are you sure? You are looking a little red.

Zhuge Liang: No,really i am fine.

Yue Ying:*takes her dagger-axe out* Can you tell me where is our home? I have to put this away.

Zhuge Liang:*mouth hanging open* I-It's over there...

Yue Ying: Thanks! *happily walks over to the house*

Zhuge Liang: *looks at his fan* Ugg...(Look at the bright side, I can brag to Zhou Yu and Sima Yi about this.)

**Wu: Sun Ce, Zhou Tai,Huang Gai, Da Qiao, Xiao Qiao**

Cao Cao: Ugg...Sun Ce is here...

Sima Yi: Oh goodie...more Wu peons..*sarcastic clapping* Also, I have heard Cao Ren,Xu Huang,Zhang He, and Zhen Ji are coming.

Cao Cao:*Face lights up*Really?

**Somewhere in Wu**

*Big Sun Group Hug*

SSX:Brother! You are finally here! You should see Quan's beard!

Sun Quan: Ha,ha,very funny.

Sun Ce: Brother,there is a squirrel on your face!

Sun Quan:That's my beard...

Sun Ce:Oh...sorry...

Sun Jian: Now,now lets not insult each other. Let us be happy that Sun Ce is here to join us.

All three:Right! *all group hug Sun Jian*

Wu office

Zhou Yu:My wife is coming and her sister too! Also Sun Ce,Huang Gai,and Zhou Tai!

Lu Xun: You seem happy today, Master Zhou Yu.

Zhou Yu: My best friend,my wife,the man who protected Sun Quan, and the man who I owe the victory at Chibi to. What else could I want? Oh yeah, Xiao Qiao being hot!

Lu Xun: You are right, but what if things go as you don't want them to?

Zhou Yu: Hmm...I don't know, I'll just wait and see.

*knock**knock*

Zhou Yu: That must be them, let me greet them personally.

*door gets knocked down*

Sun Ce: Zhou Yu! There you are, buddy! *hugs him*

Zhou Yu: Good to see you, Sun Ce. But the door...

Sun Ce: Pshh,you don't need doors!

Zhou Yu:Ok..where are Xiao Qiao and Da Qiao?

Sun Ce: Oh, they are over here. Follow me.

Zhou Yu:(I hope she's so beautiful,she'll make the moon cower in shame.)

The two entered a room with the Two Qiaos in it.

Sun Ce: Ta-da! Lovely, are they?

Zhou Yu:...Uhh...yeah, lovely...

Zhou Yu looked at the two with a confused expression.

Zhou Yu: I'm sure these are your daughters...

Sun Ce: What are you talking about? These are the Qiaos.

Xiao Qiao: ZHOU YU! *glomps him*

Zhou Yu:*eye twitches* (This is going to make me look like a pedophile.)

Zhou Yu watches as Sun Ce was doing fine with Da Qiao.

Zhou Yu: (Honestly, does he know these are MINORS. *crying* and I thought I was going to get sex tonight,but nooo, I can't because I have a child as my wife! Damn You Koei! Zhuge Liang gets married and he gets a wife that is LEGAL,so why not me!I should ask Sima Yi on how to deal with a child wife,he married a 13-year-old,anyway.)

Elsewhere

Huang Gai: Hey.

Zhou Tai: Hey.

Zhou Tai: Want to go make fun of Sun Quan's Beard?

Huang Gai: Sure.(He said more then 3 words!)

**Wei:Zhang He,Cao Ren,Zhen Ji,Xu Huang**

Cao Cao: Three of my greatest warriors,AND a pretty lady? My day has gotten a lot better.

Sima Yi:(Yes, more pawns!) I'm glad to see you are well,my Lord.

Zhang Liao: I look forward to meeting with Master Zhang He and Master Xu Huang.

Xiahou Yuan: And Cousin is coming, are you happy, Dun?

Xiahou Dun:*shrugs*

Cao Cao: Sima Yi, why do you have a helmet? All you do is sit there issueing orders,and you don't really go out.

Sima Yi:*shrugs*

Cao Cao: Where are they?Everyone look for them! They might have encoutered some bandits.

Sima Yi:That is highly unlikely.

Cao Cao: You search for them too!

Sima Yi: Egh..

Inside Wei Palace

Sima Yi: They could be anywhere...Oh?

Sima Yi spots a figure with blue armor.

Sima Yi: Cao Cao! One of your sons left a giant toy robot here! Come and get it!

Cao Cao runs up to him:What are you talking about? My boys don't hav-

The figure turns around and sees them.

Sima Yi:Oh,it's a person.

Cao Cao: Who are you?

Cao Ren:I'm Cao Ren,on the way here, I couldn't find the throne room.

Cao Cao: Ahh,you got lost here? Well,come with me, you are looking for me,no?

Outside

Zhang Liao: How are we supposed find them if we don't know what they look like?

Xiahou Dun: Simply look for someone that does not look like these peons.*points at generic soldiers*

Dian Wei:I found one!*points at guy with coiled up cloth on his head*He seems to be admiring Xu Chu's strenghth.

Xu Chu was crushing a boulder to pieces as the man looked in awe.

Man:What absolute strength! It is equal to that of a thousand men!

Xu Chu: Are you here for something?

Man: I'm supposed to go to the throne room,but your strenghth distracted me.

Zhang Liao: That is him!*runs up to him* Excuse me,you wouldn't happened to be Xu Huang?

Xu Huang:Yes,and you are?

Zhang Liao: I am Zhang Liao,my lord has been looking for you.

Xu Huang:I'm so sorry, can you please take me to them?

Throne room

Cao Cao: Two are here,but we missing two mor-

*BOOM**THWACK*

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I'M SOR-*BOOM*

A black figure is seen flying across from the room's doors to the area above Cao Cao's head and hits the ran to see who it was.

Cao Cao:What the-? Is that-?

The crumpled, chared figure was twitching."Master...Cao..Cao I found...the...third..one...

Cao Cao:Sima Yi? What in the world happened to you?

Sima Yi: It is...*cough* a long story...

*flashback*

Sima Yi: Looking for Zhang He and Zhen Ji...I can't tell which is the guy or the women...

He comes across a women in blue.

Sima Yi: Are you a prositute for Cao Cao or some other general?

How rude!

Sima Yi: Then don't dress like one. I can see your unmentionables from this angle,you unseemly women!

Hmph! Instead of insulting me, lead me to the throne room of Cao Cao!

Sima Yi: How about the brothel? It seems to suit yo-

*SMACK**THWACK*OK I'M SOR-*THWACK**flute music*Did it get col-AHHH!

*end flashback*

Cao Cao:You called her a prositute? That doesn't explain why you are chared black. *teasing*Plus that helmet DID NOT help you.

Sima Yi: SHUT UP! *cough**cough*

The women walked in.

Sorry for your friend over there for getting himself in trouble. But he insulted me, so I had to knock some sense into him.

Cao Cao:*pervert mode* HUBBA HUBBA! Who is THAT lady!

Sima Yi:The bitch that did this to me!

Cao Cao:Now,now, Yi, is that the language we use around a beautiful lady?Now what is your name,Princess?

Sima Yi: WHAT?! I oughta...*cough*(He called me Yi!The nerve!)

Zhen Ji:I am Zhen Ji, you were expecting me,yes?

Cao Cao:*flirty*Why,yes,I was expecting you...

Sima Yi: That is your DAUGHTER-IN-LAW,you sick creep!

Cao Cao: Looks who's talking! You married a 13-year-old!

Sima Yi:I didn't do anything indecent to her!(At least until she was older...)

Cao Cao: And what makes you think I'm going to do something indecent to this princess?

Sima Yi: You have a reputation for doing that!

The two continued to argue.(yes, again)Cao Cao tries to choke him.

Zhen Ji: Ok...where is my husband?

Everyone in room:Generic.

Zhen Ji:Nevermind.

A fruity man bursts into the room.

I am heeeerrre! Look at me,everyone!The fabulous Zhang He is here!

Everyone turned to look at the unusual man.

Xiahou Yuan:Is that Vega?If so, where is his mask?

Zhang Liao:That is not Vega...

Xu Huang:Oh,you are finally here!

Zhen Ji: What took you so long?!

Cao Ren:Last time I remember, he chasing a man in purple,holding a fan. Then a chubby man.

Xiahou Yuan: So that was the guy who was following me around...Hey, I'm not chubby!

Sima Yi: I saw that man following me. I ran away because he was creeping me out.

Zhang He:Oh no,you are covered in black. I shall make you beautiful again!

Sima Yi: No,no,you need to-

Cao Cao:Why YES,he DOES need some beauty done by you,Zhang He!

Sima Yi:(Cao Cao, you bastard!) No, I'm quite fine. Maybe Chubby over there might need the makeover.

Zhang He: Ok! *takes Xiahou Yuan*

Xiahou Yuan: No,no,no I don't really-HEY!

The two were already gone.

Cao Cao: So,everyone is here,correct? Well,except Zhang He. But everyone,be ready for some Shu-butt-kicking!

*cheering,appluase*


End file.
